Not "Soul-ed" On My Soul Mate

In 2004, I met the man that would become my husband. I wouldn't call him my soul mate or my dream man now, but by some twist of fate, we ended up together. We bicker over who's right and who's wrong. We ignore the other when one of us is absorbed by some shallow t.v. show, like American Idol or Celebrity Fit Club. Sometimes, we are the couple that you stare at wondering, "Wow, do they even like each other?"

And, yes, we do. We love each other. We've had a rocky road to genuinely respecting each other, but we're finally getting it, and respecting each other is SO very important. I'd have to say 9 out of 10 fights are about respect, whether it's the tone in which we speak to each other or a general nasty comment aimed to injure the other's ego, like, "Are you ever going to throw that shirt out?," when, of course, no, I will never throw away my favorite shirt. I'm not sure what the 10th fight is usually about. Probably household chores?

As far as the who is right/wrong argument, I'm learning that it doesn't matter. I think I now get more gratification out of Brad discovering he's been wrong on his own rather than telling him he's wrong. So, scratch that, I guess it still kinda matters, or else I wouldn't be so smug about it. I'm working on it shouldn't matter who's right- as long as I'm not the one who's wrong. Is that so wrong?

The t.v. thing is an issue we both share. I cherish my t.v. time because I so rarely watch anything other than Go, Diego, Go, and Wow, Wow, Wubzy. My husband likes to bring up important issues to discuss, like how little we have left in our checking account, and that we may end up overdrawn by $400 this month, while I like hold him accountable to remember significant details about how annoying my mother is while he's in the middle of the intervention part of Intervention. Like I said, we both need to work on a better time to concentrate on one another because we both end up irritated.

Now, just because he's not my soul mate doesn't mean he's not the one for me. I'm just not sold on the whole soul mate idea. I've met men that could fall into that category, however, but heck, we never had any responsibilities to complicate the relationship. It was all so easy! No joint bank account, no arguments over when our son should be disciplined, no overdue or over limit fees to complain about- I could go on and on about how having children and being married is an everyday challenge. And that's just what it is. A CHALLENGE. It's not a struggle, or a constant state of disaster. I've realize that marriage is work, and once you accept the challenge of making it work, you can get through anything.

I will tell the couples out there that have yet to spawn offspring that having children will change your relationship with your spouse permanently. You have to work to make it work! Ultimately, that work translates into respecting each other. The more you respect each other, the easier it becomes to love each other, even when one of you parks the car all sorts of crooked in the driveway so that it makes it impossible for the other to get into the driveway with your car crammed with groceries so that you now have to lug eight bags which include milk, a case of water, and two cases of diapers up the driveway into the house :)